summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
