White coat. Heels.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
