if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
