you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm really into asian looking animals
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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