This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
