why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
