: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
