Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
