I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
