Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
they're like a gay fantastic four
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
