i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
