Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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