She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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