It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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