I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're my little dorito
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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