I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
