I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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