My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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