he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
