you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
