Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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