ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
