Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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