My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
