Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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