I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
