I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
