I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
