your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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