I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
