how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
