Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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