Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
