We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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