He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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