you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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