Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
