so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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