I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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