wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
