Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
