Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
