Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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