i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
