You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
