Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
