Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
