I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
