I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
