Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
