i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
