I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
