I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
