Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
