You work out of a Hotel?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
